So Then Why? 

My last blog, and the feelings that provoked me to write it, beg the question: "So, why are you still doing it Jessica?"
A while back I supported the line of work I'm in by saying (or writing): "Saving lives every day does have a way of giving life meaning."
And it's true. Every single day I go to work there's a chance I get to save a life... an innocent, sweet life.
Take today for example: A buff, tattoo-caressed man in his mid 30's was in the adoption area. I happened to be at the computer on the floor (shelter jargon for adoption floor) when he approached, inquiring about a dog named Hilary.
Hilary... that name rang a bell, I remembered very clearly seeing the name Hilary badly butchered on a kennel card, it shamefully spelled Hiliary rather than Hilary. And, I was sure I knew this dog, though I couldn't call up her face in memory right off.
As soon as I typed in her 7 digit ID number I eagerly pressed F4 to bring up her picture- Hilary! It's you!
"Do you know this dog?" I asked the man.
"No, she just seemed really great, really obedient," he replied.
"Oh yes, she's great! She's so sweet. I know her! Let's get her out," I said.
I took Hilary out of her kennel and walked her to approximately the middle of the hallway then handed the leash over to my potential adopter (this is something I almost always do, to allow the adopter an instant sense of ownership. It also allows the dog to bond with the adopter rather than the shelter worker).
-The adopter needs to know what he or she is getting into, for better and for worse.
If the dog is a puller it's best to know that going into the adoption.
If the dog walks great on lead this is one of my very best selling points.
Fortunately our girl Hilary walked like a champ, right at the handler's side, not pulling at all.
"See how well she walks on lead? She doesn't pull at all," I commented as we walked.
We arrived at our destination, the small concrete and mulched play yard.
And this guy (I already forgot his name) was just an ideal adopter.
He ooh-ed and ahh-ed over Ms. Hilary. He called her over and sternly commanded her to sit, snapping his finger, and Hilary sat, right on command.
Then she was a bit uncertain about the man... they'd just met and he was already asking the shy girl to sit! He quickly won back her affection  though by moving from the bench to concrete ground... to be on Hilary's level, to re-assure her.
I was in "Adoption Counselor bliss!"
We even found a tick or two on her. One was really big and I smashed it on the concrete, blood spewing.
Our potential adopter didn't even flinch... adoption counselor bliss I said!
And, you don't even know the best part yet- Hilary is not what you'd call a 'highly adoptable dog.'
She's big, dark caramel-colored with a little white line down her face. Her tail looks kind of funny and is crooked and she has a thick, hard body... not smooshie and soft like most adopters like.
Hilary's the type of dog that I typically have to fight to get out.
I knew her because I'm the person who had moved her from the west wing to the adoption floor.
Her kennel mate in the West Wing, a heart worm positive American Bulldog mix that had been labeled aggressive (NOT!) had her own lucky break a week prior... I had also assisted her adopters.
When that dog (already forgot her name) was miraculously adopted I took Hilary from the WW, and moved her to the adoption floor... that was the least I could do for the sweet girl.
And now this... she had found her own lovely, perfect adopter!
Elation. Disbelief. Humility.
This is one story. I could tell many- many beautiful, tear-jerking (at least they jerk my tears!) stories about rescue, adoption, fostering... saving lives.
So, as painful as it is to be at Miami Dade Animal Services every day in some ways, it is just as beautiful in others. -Believe me.
Figuring out if the good outweighs the bad is the question now, and one I haven't yet been able to answer. Today though, the good outweighed the bad.

Now... that damn adopter better show up on Wednesday! ...Think I'm joking? ...Wish I were! ...You never know in this business.

This is Hilary!

Posted 15th April by Jessica Pita

Labels: animal services animal welfare ASPCA happy story pet adoption rewarding careers sheltering social justice

-Jessica

Burnout

I am not happy with the person I've become at work.
Don't get me wrong, the depth of my affection and love for the shelter pets has not waned and it never will.
The extent of my concern for the animals has molded me into no more than a slave to the mercy they are or are not granted.
However the degree to which my impatience, anger, frustration and, at times, complete disgust has swelled is now at a boiling point. The impatience, anger, frustration and disgust are in regards primarily to working with the public, 'my' public.
-Every place's public is different.
An example: two dogs, Gigi and Daisy were surrendered together sometime last week. These girls are spayed, docile, slightly shy, highly empathetic and in tune with their environment. They're trained dogs, the type that would never have an accident in the house. They walk well on a lead. Gigi and Daisy had 'keep together' written on each of their kennel cards. On Monday a seemingly nice young man had both dogs out and decided to adopt Daisy. He said he couldn't take both.
Wed at work I realized he had already returned Daisy, just two days after he had taken her. I was in shock... don't know why since this scenario has played out time after time over the years.
I called the young man.
"This is Jessica with Animal Services. I'm calling to try to find out why you returned Daisy after only 2 days," I said, presumptuously.
"Well we had some financial difficulties come up," the man said.
"Financial difficulties? You didn't know you were having financial difficulties just 2 days ago when you adopted? If it's about the eye infection, that could likely be cured with a basic antibiotic cream, it shouldn't be that expensive to address," I replied (in the dog's notes it clearly stated that the owner had returned the dog because of an eye problem).
"No, that's not why I returned the dog, it's because of the financial problems. You know, you think this is fun for me? You think this is something I wanted to do? Why are you even calling me?" He asked in an angry tone.
"Well, last time I checked, people are still free to do what they want to do. I don't think anyone forced you to turn your dog back in. And you know why I'm calling? -Because I care. That's why I'm calling. I'm calling because I though I might get lucky enough for you to say, 'gee, I didn't really know what to do about the eye so I brought her back. I'm glad to know it's easy to treat' but, I see that's not the case, you've made up you're mind so please just do me one favor- the next time you think about adopting a pet think about it two,three, four, five or six more times before you make a decision!" I exclaimed and, click; I hung up abruptly.
My office mate had just walked back in and giggled saying, "Are you o.k?"
"No probably not," I said, flashing a meager smile. "Do you think I should get a prescription of Valium?' I asked jokingly.
I was so angry at this guy. -So angry.
A different, more empathetic approach would have been better, more professional. I know that.
However my patience has sizzled, evaporated into nothingness, at this point in my career.
What people don't realize is that this type of situation plays out dozens of times daily for me. We receive 80-120 pets DAILY so it's so- overwhelming. There's no better word for it.
Siempre se siente como si fuera nadando en contra de la corriente en una manera and like a race against time.
My grandmother (one of them) and I spoke a couple of days ago.
"Jessie, in every job where you have to deal with the public it's hard," she said, trying to offer outside perspective.
I agreed with her and know she's right but, I explained, I'm working with living, breathing, innocent beings.
It's not the same as someone bringing back a sweater that doesn't fit for example but, sadly, many people treat their pets with the same regard as they would treat such a sweater. -It's horrendous, and heartbreaking.
Working with adopters that tell me, in the process of doing my standard adoption counseling, that their last pet was lost, the one before that 'got too big' and they had to turn it in, the one before that also got lost and on and on is equally disturbing. I'm standing there with these people, knowing they're going to bring the 2 month old puppy back, probably before it's even a year old, and that there's nothing I can do about it.
Giving them handouts on crate training, access to FREE pet training, counseling on the fact that the pup will chew, bite, bark and grow quickly, reminding them time and time again that it's a huge responsibility are tools I use with every single adopter- the sad thing is that, I can and do talk until I'm blue in the face, or have nodules on my vocal cords (which I do have), all to no avail.
I can't even count the number of times I've counseled adopters, investing my time and energy in them one after the other, only to see the pet come back within a week. It's horrendous, and heartbreaking.
I've requested that we implement an adoption survey to prevent the shelter from  acting as a revolving door for our pets, to educate our adopters and make them take pet adoption more seriously. This too has been to no avail. -I never even got a response to that request.
Animal Welfare is the only profession where, that which you most love and are working to save, is killed... on a daily basis.
Think about it... Animal Welfare is comparable to working with: orphaned children, abused and victimized women, environmental welfare, terminally-ill patients perhaps. All of these professions have to be just as challenging as Animal Welfare, this I do not doubt. But... the workers in these professions are not facing the reality that their patients, clients, subjects are subject to euthanasia should they get 'too sick,' 'take up too much space,' or 'extend their stay too long.' And this my friend, puts a whole new spin on things- believe me. It's horrendous, and heartbreaking.
I've tried to console myself, comparing my burnout to the burnout other professionals experience.
Say, a math teacher that loves math, math is his passion in life but, he's disgusted with the school system that wants him to teach kids how to pass tests, and not really learn math, or he's had it with the students that simply don't care about math in the first place.
Or the banker on Wall Street that lives, breathes and sweats stocks but eventually gets played by the game that he has played so well, for so long.
Or the ER nurse that loves medicine, feels she was born to help others in this capacity, but eventually, after giving and doing for so many, she succumbs to deep depression, feeling that through so much giving and doing for others she has lost herself.
Thinking of my burnout in this relative fashion does help a bit, but, ultimately I still feel shame, a sense of failure, knowing that I've finally just about burnt out myself. In a way I can't help feeling like a failure.
 It's sad. It's so sad to me.
Every time I think about it I want to cry.
I never thought this would happen to me, I always thought my passion for saving lives was stronger, stronger than: the pain, the system, the lies, the drama, the sorrow, the death, the blaming, the senselessness, but, coming to find it's not strong enough is just sad. The human spirit is breakable.
That's why, cliche, it's crucial to invite God, the supreme being of light and love, into our lives.
We cannot make it alone.

Related writings from my notebook:

Why, why, why?
I thought I was too good for this-
I thought it couldn't happen to me.
I'm too happy, too silly, too spiritual, too educated, too smart, too sincere, too caring- for this to happen.
Succumbed to being completely frazzled, engulfed by, eaten alive and spit back out by- my job.
-That which you were made to do has made you into a pawn in a board game.
-Give me your soul, I'll give you the brief sensation that you have some kind of control...
It feels as if that's the contract I have signed, with the devil himself. 
I am sad. I am surprised. 
I never thought this could happen to me.
I was too good, too sincere, too smart to become- burnt out. 

A happier one:

Every day is a new day, with each passing day we have a chance to at least try to start over.
Old habits die hard.
We live by the pattern we've been living by because it worked, it served it's purpose for a while.
Our usual way of dealing with life allowed us to get through the day, 
to numb ourselves some so it wouldn't be too hard,
kept a wall built so we'd feel safe,
made us seem happy, always smiling and complacent
For a while, maybe years, maybe months, maybe just weeks or days this old way worked for us.
Now, it's not working.
It may be as sudden as a fuse blowing or as slow and steady as a candle burning down but we know- something's gotta give.
One choice that we often overlook is- trying a new way; deciding to try a different way of  dealing with things, people, life. 
This is where I am now- trying to figure out my new way of coping and finding out if I can do it.
I could be Ms. Smiley/Happy and act like everything's great... why not? What the hell?
Or I could become dry, monotone, completely disconnected... my sanity would be better preserved.
Or I could try to take a drug, an anti-anxiety pill every single lovely day... I know that would work, as least until I become an addict.

-Jessica

Posted 7th April by Jessica Pita

Labels: 

"Do Gooder"

From time to time I've been called (to my face) a 'do-gooder.'
 I've heard things like, "Oh, you're one of those," or "So you're a tree-hugger, crazy animal person, etc.'
Dozens of people have said these things to me over the years.
Maybe you've heard similar comments a time or two yourself.
When I hear these words from someone's mouth I'm always a bit taken aback, surprised and caught off guard.
Why am I so shocked to hear these comments? What's the big deal?
Perhaps I find it offensive when someone treats issues I view as important, even fundamental to life as we know it, as if they're silly or meaningless. I guess this shocks me and catches me completely off guard every  time it happens.
Maybe I'm so taken aback when these terms are used because they reveal a complete void, a complete lack of empathy on the other person's side.
And I don't mean empathy for me, I mean empathy relating to the issues, whether it's drilling for oil in some of our country's last sacred places, or the fact that we euthanize millions ofpets every year (as a country), or knowing that most major cosmetic and cleaning companies still test on animals, or the fact that most of our waterways are severely contaminated with mercury (what would Marvin Gaye say nowadays?!).
When discussing these types of issues there are many people who are in fact not capable of empathizing with those suffering (the land, the dog, the cat, the air, the neighboring communities, the rabbit, the water, our very planet, etc.).
There, I figured it out. Now I understand why it shocks me, catches me so off guard, when people use nonchalant, dismissive terms to 'sum me up' when I speak of issues of importance to me.
-It's the painful lack of empathy.
If you're a 'do-gooder' like me, whether your cause be: raising awareness about poverty, children's cancer, women's rights, abortion, the pivotal increase in rhino and elephant poaching over the past year, the manatee, the Tibetan regime, etc., I'm sure you've experienced similar frustration when discussing 'your cause,' 'your passion' with certain individuals.
It's almost as if we ('do-gooders') are predisposition-ed in our DNA to be empathetic whereas others are not.
And you know, oftentimes I envy those who are not cursed with this blessing of extreme empathy and sensitivity.
They have an invisible boundary line where sensitive material stops, a natural censor on disturbing sights, sounds or facts that surround us. They often live in a pleasant, dumb state of denial... must be nice. Many of these people are very successful, bothersome emotions don't get in the way of them climbing the ladder. Many of them are happy. And, they're not necessarily bad people. In complete sincerity I say I envy this disconnect many humans enjoy.
It begs the question- why bother caring?
Why should I care when my neighbors, 3 doors down, surrender their two, cute puppies at the shelter where I work?
They're not losing sleep over these innocent, now-confused, 3 month old girls sitting in a cold, lonely, small cage that are used to being able to pee and poop outside, so why should I?
Or the couple that turned in their adult American Bulldog yesterday because it was too big for their condo association and proceeded to adopt a 5 week old lab mix right after turning in their family pet of 2 years.
 I talked to this couple. I told them what they were doing was unfair.
 "A pet is for life, no one can 'make you' get rid of your dog. You always have a choice... to move... to be homeless for a while if necessary. The fact you're adopting another puppy, that will grow, the same day you turn in your own dog is very worrisome and is not o.k.," I said.
They stared at me, went to the front and proceeded to adopt the 5 week old puppy. Why should I feel sorry for their adult bulldog dumped at the shelter. They certainly weren't shedding tears over him.
I spoke with my neighbors this morning on the walk with my dogs.
 "I saw your puppies at the shelter where I work. That really should have been your absolute last option. The pups could easily get sick in the shelter and be put to sleep. Are you going to get the mother dog spayed now so she doesn't have more puppies you're unable to care for?"
They also stared at me and said, "Um I don't know, maybe."
These are a couple of examples of situations I deal with daily.
Does it take a toll?
Of course.
What do I do about it?
I'm figuring that out.
I know how to be centered, enlightened, content, peaceful, happy. I've achieved it time and time again but it takes work. I have my moments of sheer enlightenment, they typically come through meditation, reading the works of enlightened authors, prayer, being still.
A few days ago I said to my boyfriend, "I live on a spiritual plane now. None of this here matters. It's the spiritual, energetic field that matters. I am aligned with that." And I meant it. I looked and felt better.
I suppose I should write only when I'm in that state and all my blogs will be positive, profound, enlightening. But, that's not how life is lived for most of us. It's a series of ups and downs, sadness and joy, confusion and confidence. We experience periods of knowing, connection, insight just as we experience periods of fear, disconnect and depression. My goal is to learn to live in a peaceful, mostly happy state most of the time. We are here to learn.
As Deepak says (not verbatim), "If we were all already enlightened we wouldn't be here."
Related Affirmation:

I feel God/Universal Light and Energy. There is a limitless source of divine intelligence and love surrounding me at all times, waiting for me to tap into it. It's there for all of us. This powerful energy and force is infinite, eternal therefore there's no need to be stingy with it... everyone can tap it, drink from this fountain of eternal knowledge. It lives in me and you. I now allow divine light and intelligence to work with and through me. Love radiates from me. I only see the good in life and have loving thoughts and words to share.

Psalm 46: Be still, and know that I am God.

Unable to get your important message through?

Some will relate to this. Some will not.
As Adoption Coordinator at Miami's municipal animal shelter it often seems important messages I try to relay are falling on deaf ears. They are.
Daily I encounter people turning in their pets because, "they're moving, they've had a new baby, they've lost their job, the pet was never really theirs and they were just watching it- for a few months or years, and so on and so on."
Time and time again I respond saying things such as, "Your pet should be a part of your family. A pet is not disposable, it's a living, breathing,sentient being. This should be your absolute last option. Have you weighed your other options? I moved here from Kentucky and brought my 2 dogs, cat and bird along with me- moving is not a reason to surrender a pet, and so on and so forth."
Time and time again I hear great ideas from shelter volunteers. They say things like, "Why doesn't the shelter do follow up calls for adopters? Why doesn't the shelter have a race where everyone can run with a shelter pet? Why doesn't the shelter put bandannas on all the dogs? and so on and so forth."
I challenge these volunteers to DO IT! Make it happen. I say things like, "I love your idea. That would be amazing, now why don't you get it going? Make it your special project and when you're making some progress with the overall plan let's touch base and move forward."
I explain to volunteers that as one person I can only do so much (foster program, helping adopters daily, pet of the week, pet depictions online, training adoption counselor volunteers, etc., etc) and that I/the shelter need them to breathe life into their ideas and projects, making them happen.
Of the people with whom I've had this conversation none of them have followed through. We have EXCELLENT volunteers and this is not to knock them but to make the point: in life you will inevitably feel an important message or purpose you're devoting your time, breathe and energy too is, at times, falling on deaf ears and being seen by blind eyes. That is, if you are devoting some portion of your life to some purpose greater than yourself.
I encounter this frustration daily on a very intimate, personal level, on various levels. Animal Welfare is my life's passion. Daily I meet people who refuse to spay and neuter their pets when I know it's the right thing to do. I see innocent dogs and cats losing the fragile battle of life daily due to pet overpopulation. I see mammary tumors develop on unaltered females, countless unaltered males end up at the shelter because they were out, following instinct, 'roaming,' looking to mate. Yet I hear at least 1-3 people a day refusing to sterilize their pets. This can become draining, overwhelming, exhausting and depressing. But...
I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I know this through my own life experience (that's really how we learn everything we know when you break it all down, through our own personal experiences).
Let me backtrack and give examples of when I was on the receiving end of people trying to get an important message through to me and I wouldn't listen.
As a very young person (14-22 yrs. old) I abused alcohol and drugs. I had zero self esteem or self worth. I was careless with my own life and that of others. I would constantly drink and drive, would take shameful risks when under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs and basically didn't give a damn whether I lived or died. I paid the price for my careless way in more ways than you can likely imagine. (Note: during these 'crazy years' I still had respect and awe for nature and animals- my passion for environmental and animal welfare has never escaped me but clearly I couldn't effectively advocate as an addict). During these 'crazy' years many people tried to get through to me. When I was 18 years old a police woman at an Indiana jail told me, "You're too pretty, too young to be here. What are you doing to yourself?"
My father sobbed, begging me to change my ways at the age of 17. My mother could barely look at me for a while to preserve her own sanity and feelings. My grandmother... I can't even go there. She's well... my grandmother.
Anyhow, I heard the same messages time after time, yet time after time I would commit the same crimes, make the same potentially fatal mistakes. The'important messages' I was being given by many were not getting through. I spent nearly 10 years on and off the 'wrong path.' I'm lucky to be alive. I'm lucky to have graduated from college, to be a sane, functioning, tax-paying, honorable citizen.
Eventually everything everyone had said to me, emotions and energy they had shared with me, time and time again, began to sink in on some level. I went into recovery (did some inpatient, some outpatient) at the age of 20. I turned 21 sober. It was weird.
Now a couple of things in particular stick out in my memory...concepts, messages, ideas I could not comprehend at one time, that I now accept as fact.
One example, my sponsor in AA, Mary Jane (yes, that's her real name), would tell me "God is Everything or God is Nothing." We would argue about this ideology years ago. I just didn't get it. How could God be Everything? That would make God part of bad things too. Impossible. Now I believe and accept this as reality and fact.
And, think of all of the great, early on explorers,  inventors, doctors such as, Magellan, the Wright Brothers, Albert Schatz, etc. How do you think they must have felt trying to get their important life-changing, world-changing messages, ideologies and theories through to the masses?
They must have felt very overwhelmed, depressed, frustrated, and even hopeless at times.
But they didn't give up.
People didn't give up on me when I was clueless, hopeless. And I won't give up on people when they're clueless, hopeless.
Those who truly believe in what they're 'fighting for,' the important messages they're trying to get through to the world will not and cannot give up.
So the next time you're getting frustrated, trying to get your important message through to someone who's just not getting it... take a deep breathe, know that your efforts are not in vain, that it may be months, or even years before your message sinks it, but, eventually it will, as long as the message you're trying to relay is a good one.
...What's a "good message?" One that's not self-serving, one that benefits at least one living being (human, plant or animal) on this planet and does not harm anyone or thing in the process of benefiting the other(s).
That's a good message. Blessed be yours. -If you don't have one, get one.

Posted 3rd September 2012 by Jessica Pita

What UnAltered Dogs and Addicts w/o their Fix Share in Common

Miami is a city where many residents oppose spaying and neutering their dogs. Trust me, I know. I worked at the municipal shelter here for nearly a year and still volunteer there. During my tenure at the shelter I conducted Volunteer Orientation weekly. I had to get across to new volunteers (and customers) what an unaltered pet goes through. The best analogy I came up with was- what a drug addict goes though.
The intact male dog... let's make it a well-trained, loving, family pet for example's sake: This is a dog that plays fetch with the kids, sits and shakes on command, is docile, kind with everyone, even strangers. This is a great dog, that still has his balls. This dog, Fido, we'll say, stays in the yard while his family is at work, around 8 hrs/day. That's a normal scenario for many American dogs right?
Most days Fido sleeps, marks the fence, does typical dog stuff around the yard. However one day, a female dog in heat is a couple of blocks away (remember- dogs can smell up to miles away). Fido goes crazy- he has to get to that female dog! All is forgotten- his commands, tricks, loving family that has housed and adored him for years- out the window. NOTHING matters to Fido in this moment except for reaching the female. The 4 ft. fence that usually is a sufficient barrier becomes surmountable in an instant. Fido attempts to jump the fence- Scenario 1: His collar gets caught on the fence and he hangs himself there, dying slowly. Scenario 2: He clears the fence with no problem, runs down the road and is hit by a car, and hurt (or killed). Scenario 3: He's street smart, finds the female, along with 3 other male dogs who have picked up on the scent and proceeds to fight and engage in wild pack behavior. Scenario 4: He impregnates the female dog, finds his way home and no one ever knows it even happened. The female is alone, stray and will have a litter of unwanted pups. -And Fido's not paying child support. None of these are positive outcomes are they?
And this is very similar to what a drug addict goes through on a binge: A loving father, devoted husband and hard worker can transform in an instant- should he have a problem with a drug that suddenly becomes available to him. He may go missing for days, blow his entire pay check, lose his wallet, phone, end up in the ghetto... you name it, right?
If you're someone thinking my unaltered dog example is 'extreme,' please consider this one true story:
It was nearly closing time at Miami Dade Animal Services. I was behind the front counter taking care of the last customer or two when in walks a man in his early 40s, sobbing hysterically, holding a limp, wiry haired, 30- something pound, little gray dog in his arms. A woman was with him. He was screaming, "¡Este es mi hijo, mi único hijo, Dios!" (this is my son, my only son, my God!). It was horrendous. My stomach sank, as I quickly assessed by the dog's posture- it was gone. However the man could not accept that. He cried out for a vet. I ran to get the vet on duty; I was not going to deny him that. I explained as the Dr. and I walked that the dog was dead, but that the man was in a shocked state of denial. She hurried the man and woman into a small examining room, laid the dog on the metal table, searched for a heartbeat which could not be found and declared the dog was dead. The man sobbed loudly, almost ghostly, stating he had never had kids, that this dog was his baby, his only baby.
The woman with him explained: they had been out on his small deck, three stories up, cooking out, when his dog ran out, barking at a stray female dog passing by below. He jumped. He didn't fall, according to her, but jumped. He was suddenly frantic to get to the dog below. He was not neutered.
I could share other similar stories but won't, not now. It's too sad. If you have a dog, go hug it. And if it's not yet altered, please consider taking care ofthat. Peace.

Posted 5th February 2012 by Jessica Pita